Well, Josh and I have made it to our first wedding anniversary! Honestly, it’s been the best journey of my life. Yes, there have been a million speed bumps and potholes, but there have also been 20 million laughs, good times, and happy memories. For the 12 months we’ve been married, I created 12 pieces of advice that I’ve learned and try to follow. We’re not perfect, and we fail at following this advice all the time. But, we love each other and are so committed to being each other’s eternal soulmate, and as long as you try every single day, there’s nothing you can’t achieve together. If you have any additional advice, I’d LOVE to hear it!
1. Have patience, and if you don’t, work on having it! You’re not perfect, so you can’t expect perfection from your spouse. Even if you’ve already told them to fold the hand towel a million times, tell them a million and one times-that last time may finally seal the deal. There are a lot of things that can easily create tension in the relationship, so the less things you turn into an argument, the better. You’ll feel better, and obviously so will your partner. Personally, when my husband sees or feels that I’m making an effort to not turn something into DEFCON 1, the more it breaks down his defenses, causing him to try harder or acknowledge things I’ve asked or need from him. Pick your battles, ladies!
2. Be a team! Whether you’re in private of public, be a united front. That doesn’t mean to ignore your convictions and just agree with each other, but it does mean to respectfully speak up when you don’t agree; it does mean that you now must make decisions for the unit, not just the individual anymore; it does mean now you have a built-in best friend who you’ll need to be their rock at times, and vice versa. Whatever you do, don’t make your partner an afterthought-be an equal partnership at all times.
3. Do everything with respect! This especially applies to arguments. You’re going to argue, (if you say you don’t argue, then you’re lying!) that won’t change, and honestly, arguing isn’t a bad thing, as long as it’s done respectfully. You should always speak up if you don’t agree, but don’t forget that you love this person; they are your partner, and you don’t need to attack their character, just the issue at hand. Rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t want your partner saying or doing this to you, then don’t do it/say it to them!
4. Practice selflessness! We will never be completely selfless, that’s just a fact. We’re human and naturally selfish, but as often as you can, try to do things or say things to your partner that you know will benefit them just out of the goodness of your heart. I’m not saying to lose your individuality or forsake yourself, but praising and uplifting your partner strengthens that foundational bond and subconsciously teaches you both about humility, true love, respect, etc. I’m telling you, when I remember to do little things for my husband just because, it has a lasting impression.
5. Communicate, communicate, communicate! I can’t emphasize this enough. Everyone always says that, but I notice that we still don’t implement this enough. Whether it’s a heated discussion, voicing concerns, or just retelling your day to your spouse, make time to have these IMPORTANT conversations. Nothing is trivial, because when you start burying things-even supposed “little things,” it’s all of those things that cause resentment and impending explosive fights between couples. Each day communicate with each other about where you’re at, any concerns, and everything in-between. There’s no such thing as too much conversation and connection, people!
6. Be intimate and often! Enter Christian Grey, haha, JK! But seriously, intimacy doesn’t explicitly mean sex, I’m talking about any and all intimate gestures-handholding, kisses, snuggling, and of course, sex and that genre of intimacy. Don’t just have a spark, have an out-of-control wildfire of passion between you guys! I don’t care if the football game is on or you’re tired from cleaning spit-up off of every piece of furniture in the house, be intimate with each other-however that looks like for you guys. Even for a minute, when you take time to groom the spark in the relationship, you help build and maintain that fiery connection that will also help when the relationship gets tense, because it will, guys. Trust!
7. Practice gratitude together! Each day (as long as we don’t forget), we say 5 things that we’re grateful for that day. It can materialistic or more introspective, whatever we’re honestly feeling in that moment. This sounds silly, but it’s so helpful. As humans, we naturally find the negative in practically any situation. We’re never satisfied, and we lose interest in everything, even in things we thought would make us completely fulfilled. Especially if you/your spouse are in a lower place, when we start thinking about what we’re thankful for, it helps to turn our perspective from negativity into feeling blessed and thankful, because you start realizing that 5 things is so easy to come up with. That thankful snowball starts rolling down the mountain and ends up in an avalanche of gratitude. This helps put things into perspective and catapulting your relationship back into a healthy, positive place.
8. Be interested in your significant other’s interests! You’re not going to like everything that your partner likes. As they say, opposites attract, and I think that’s definitely true for my husband and I. For instance, my husband loves video games, and I do not, haha. But, I’ll sit there and watch him play, helping achieve certain missions or asking him engaging questions about the game. By showing a little interest in his hobbies like this, helps him feel supported, connected, and valued. The same goes for me when he shows interest in fashion and provides opinions or takes my pictures for the blog. I feel such love and support when he goes out of his way to value me and our relationship.
9. Do something together each day! I genuinely look forward to this each day- it’s my favorite part of the day. For us, it’s a walk each day. We catch up with each other about our days and take time to communicate, connect, and just spend unadulterated time together. I realize everyone is busy, so this could be a simple 15 minutes-but do something where you are completely in the moment connecting with each other-this doesn’t include tv time, guys! 😉 When do create this routine, you’ll start really looking forward to this time and associate communicating/connecting with fun and love!
10. Have a girls day! While doing things together is very important, it’s also important to have a little space to be your own individual. You still need to cultivate relationships with your friends. I know for us, after we spend time with friends, we’re so ready and excited to see each other. It’s refreshing, beneficial, and necessary to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.
11. Always have a goal! We’re all on our own self discovery journey. We’re growing and finding ourselves all on different paths and stages. So, having a goal that involves both of you to grow and work together is helpful in keeping you both connected and on the same path together. You partner’s path will weave away from yours at times, but it’s important for it to always weave back to yours in the end. So, creating a goal or a project to work together on is so important in keeping you growing together with your partner.
12. Never stop trying! This is the holy grail of relational advice. You chose to be in this relationship, and each day you’re together with your partner is another day of choosing that person. Sometimes it’s easy to give up, to think the grass is greener elsewhere. Relationships are hard-trust me, my husband is my highs cool sweetheart, so we’ve been together a longggggg time. We’ve seen each other at our worst and our best, but through all of the unknown, the good and the bad, is the fact that we both choose each other daily and are willing and wanting to never stop trying. We have the power to manifest our wants and needs, but when you stop allocating that power and choice to your relationship, that flame simmer to a spark and fizzles to nothing but black smoke.So, try until you can’t try anymore, then keep trying!!
This was a novel of a blog post, but I really enjoyed writing this. And I know it’s hard to put 110% into relationship each day, but as #12 says, never stop trying. We’re not perfect, but if you both are committed to trying your damnedest, nothing can stop you! Hopefully you found this helpful-I know it was cathartic for me, and I’m definitely in need to amping up my efforts after reading my own words/vows to my husband. So, I’m off to do something helpful for my husband before he gets home!
Have a wonderful day, loves, and I can’t wait to see you guys in my closet soon!
XO,
Sarah
