Before we dive deep, how cute is this outfit? It’s dripping in fall style! As always, you can shop my look by clicking the products at the end of this post! Wearing this, I felt normal, pretty even. That might sound weird or dramatic, but it’s the truth. Lyme has robbed me of my joys, my confidence, my abilities, my freedom. At least those have been my honest raw feelings. I’ve been a lot sicker than usual, & I’ve been realllly down about it. I’ve felt inadequate in so many areas-as a wife, friend, daughter, etc. Avril Lavigne describes it the best in her new single, “Head Above Water.” You’re drowning in a sea of darkness, decay, disfunction, and potentially death. I feel like I can’t breathe as I let the seas drag me under. I’ve contemplated not fighting, letting this disease deteriorate me until inevitable death. It’s such a selfish, irrational thought, but in the moment, it seems like the only logical thing to do to end the suffering! But, then I read a tee that said the verse below:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
I can’t lie and say I don’t struggle with my newfound depression and anxiety. I can’t say I don’t doubt my treatment plan; I ultimately can’t say that I trust God’s plan for me. But, I’m a work in progress, as we all are. Our journeys may be different, but we’re all struggling with our own battles. Whether it’s mental, physical, or both, we need to remember we’re not alone. It’s that sense of loneliness that often triggers my depression, like how could anyone relate to something they’re not firsthand experiencing? The thing is, there are so many people suffering-with Lyme, with chronic illness, with mental illnesses, you name it. No one said this life would be easy, but there is growth in the midst pain, joy in your sorrow, and strength in your weakness.
Today I’m hopeful, but each day provides it’s new ups and downs. I feel more positive, so I envision God wrapping his arms around me, saying “I’ve got this. Just stop fighting me and trying to control everything, Sarah. Because newsflash, you can’t control any of this!!
XO,
Sarah
